


The shopping trip

by Inamoena



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Gen, Humor
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-03-15
Updated: 2015-04-26
Packaged: 2018-03-17 23:56:05
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 6
Words: 7,094
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3548381
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Inamoena/pseuds/Inamoena
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>He was a renowned Potions Master. The bane of every student entering Hogwarts. He was sour, sarcastic, antisocial and spiteful. He didn't do SHOPPING TRIPS.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Disclaimer: The world and characters of the Harry Potter books are the property of J. K. Rowling. I'm just playing with them and not making any money.

1.

Severus Snape was in a foul mood. The kind of mood that made his students cower in fear when they saw him stalking through the hallways. That made first- through third-years burst into tears at the mere sight of him. And the worst part was, he had no idea why. Normally, something or someone lay at the base of his bad temper, be it idiot students, disastrous experiments or a twinkle-eyed Headmaster. Especially the latter, and certainly at seven thirty in the morning. But it was his first blissfully free saturday of the school year, he'd had a private uninterrupted breakfast, hadn't seen anyone in the corridors and was now safely ensconced in his lab, ready to start experimenting.

Suddenly he heard the noise of a house elf popping into the office behind him. Severus had a standing agreement with the house elves: they wouldn't try to clean or even enter his lab, and in turn he would let them clean the collection of fake animal parts he kept in his office to scare the students. At least twice a week. For some unfathomable reason, the house elves loved his collection. Probably because of all the glass they could clean until it sparkled. Severus always had to use an obscuring spell afterwards to make them less likely to blind an unsuspecting visitor. He had never succeeded in teaching the elves that dusty jars would give more of a creep-effect.

Severus entered his office. He had received a couple of sensitive ingredients and didn't want the elves to touch them. His eye immediately fell on the innocent-looking note on his desk. Oh. Now he remembered why he was in a bad mood. The Shopping Trip. Severus' lip curled in distaste. He was a renowned Potions Master. The bane of every student entering Hogwarts. He was sour, sarcastic, antisocial and spiteful. He didn't do shopping trips. Especially not with a stubborn, willful 13-year old.

The floo flared, and Severus saw Albus' head appear in the flames.

"Severus, could you come to my office, please? And collect Harry on the way." Albus' head disappeared again before Severus could protest. Severus sighed, put on his customary scowl and headed towards the Gryffindor common room. He arrived in front of the portrait of the Fat Lady and gave the teachers' password.

Every head turned when he entered. Eyes filled with dread, from first years up to seventh years. Severus put on his fiercest scowl.

"Where's Potter?" He asked the room in general. Several fingers pointed to the boys' dormitories. Severus took the stairs two at a time and entered Potters' dorm room. The boy was seated on the bed, reading a Quidditch magazine.

"Loathe as I am to interrupt your _fascinating_ reading, mr. Potter," Severus said in a tone that dripped sarcasm. "The Headmaster would like to see you in his office"

Potter actually jumped in surprise. He looked like a startled cat, his unruly hair standing in every direction. If he hadn't a reputation to keep, Severus would smile in satisfaction at the sight.

"Yes sir, right away sir!" Potter practically dove under the bed in search of his shoes. Severus turned smartly, making his robe flare out behind him and left, Potter scrambled to keep up with Snape's long-legged stride. They crossed the corridors to the Headmasters office in absolute silence.

"Twix!" Severus barked at the gargoyle guarding the stairs.

"Ah, welcome my boys," Albus said. "Sit down, Severus , Harry. Lemon drop?"

"No," Severus said while at the same time Potter said "Yes". They looked at each other uncomfortably. Albus chuckled a bit and held out the tin for Harry who sat down in the chair in front of the Headmasters desk.

"So, Harry," he said, "Ready for your shopping trip? Are you sure there isn't anything else you need?"

"For Merlin's sake, Albus! The kid only lost a school uniform in the accident, not his whole trunk." Severus growled. The word accident was spit out like a poison. Somehow the brat managed to spill a corrosive acid on his uniform during potions class. While they were working on preparing moonflowers. There wasn't even any liquid on the working tables, let alone _acid_. Severus thought it highly unfair that Albus forced him to take Potter on a shopping trip when Potter clearly brought it onto himself by fooling around in his class.

Potter wisely didn't say anything. He shook his head no.

"Very well," Albus said. "Here's the list Severus and have fun." Albus gave Severus a list that covered far more than one uniform.

"What's this?" Severus asked, "The inventory of Mme Malkins?"

"No Severus, Minerva discovered that young mr. Potter here forgot to buy new clothes and uniforms at the start of the year and he is growing out of his old ones. Since you are going anyway, you can easily buy everything else." Albus answered.

Severus gave Albus a hard, suspicious look. He was certain Albus was lying straight-faced, he had never found out where Potter got that acid. Albus smiled back innocently. He looked at Potter. The boy sat with his shoulders hunched and refused to look in his direction. He was clearly not happy with the Headmasters' scheming. No matter, Severus would make sure the Headmaster would never, ever trick him into shopping again. And that it was Potter who would carry the brunt of his revenge only made it sweeter. Severus smirked to himself. He quickly wiped the expression from his face when he looked back to the Headmaster.

"Now, Severus, I know you don't like shopping, but I'm sure you will make certain young mr. Potter gets a decent wardrobe." His tone held a clear warning for Severus. Damn, he'd seen the smirk. Or Albus probably just knew him too well.

"I'll see you both at dinner tonight. Have fun," Albus stood and handed Severus the bowl with floo-powder.

"Come along, Potter," Severus barked. Potter stood with a weary expression on his face. The boy probably thought the Headmaster barking mad. Severus almost pitied the boy. Almost.

Severus arrived in the Leaky Cauldron and looked around. There were only a couple of witches in the corner and a wizard at the bar. Good. The less that saw them arriving the better. The last thing Severus wanted, was being photographed by the press while shopping with Potter.


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The world of Harry Potter is the property of J. K. Rowling. I'm just playing around.

2.

Harry was in an excellent mood. He'd had a long and untroubled night and looked quite forward to going to Diagon Alley. He loved the wizarding shopping street and hoped he could convince professor MacGonagall to make a quick stop at Fortescue's Ice Cream Parlour. Harry stepped into the Great Hall for breakfast. Hermione was already there, with her nose firmly ensconced in a book.

"Good morning, Harry, you're early," she said while flipping to the next page. Harry replied cheerily and reached for the bacon and eggs.

"I'm so glad the Headmaster promised someone would take you shopping, those robes of Ron make you look like a drowned rat."

"Thank you, Hermione" Harry said sarcastically. How she managed to see the state of his clothing while being hidden behind a giant book, he didn't know.

The whole situation was a bit of an embarrassment for Harry. After what was becoming known to the entire school as 'the Acid Flower Incident' he'd been grilled by Snape, his classmates, his dormmates and his whole House. Snape was furious of course, and he lost Gryffindor house 100 points. It still stung, he'd explained time and again that he had no idea what happened. Of course no one believed him.

The Ravenclaws were ambushing him with the wildest possible theories in hopes he'd spill his method. It was quite scary, he was sure some of the theories they came up with could blow up Hogwarts. He sincerely hoped they wouldn't try them.

The Hufflepuffs had been congratulating him quietly whenever he'd encounter them in the hallways. The Slytherins gave him the evil eye, but that was a normal state of affairs. Harry believed they were just angry he'd outsmarted their Head of House.

Most of his housemates found it funny, at least, after the anger of the lost housepoints had faded. The Weasley Twins believed he'd pulled a huge prank on Snape and kept asking him to try and use their scarlet dye on Snape's hair next time, something even they were afraid to do. He didn't dare to ask why they had the dye in the first place.

The acid had eaten away big chunks of the only fitting uniform he'd left. The rest of his clothes were either too small or too stained for even the house elves to get clean. He'd had to swallow his pride, and prodded by Hermione and Neville, he'd asked Professor McGonagall how to obtain new uniforms. To say that she was scandalised at the state of his wardrobe was putting it mildly. Hence the planned shopping trip.

"Hey, Harry," Seamus said "Go take a look at the new brooms when you're in Diagon Alley, I heard the newest Nimbus has arrived!"

Harry spent the rest of breakfast happily talking to Seamus about different Quidditch brooms.

Harry was reading an article about the latest generation of Snitches, when Snape stormed into the dorm like a vengeful spirit. Snape never entered the Gryffindor tower. No teacher except MacGonnagall ever did. Harry didn't even know other teachers could enter the dorms. Normally if a teacher needed someone from the House rooms, they'd sent a house-elf or another student to get him. Harry felt his jaw drop when Snapes black eyes zoomed in on him like twin lasers. His housemates were so going to kill him. Harry swallowed reflexively, he had a bad feeling about this.

And now he stood in the Headmasters office, thinking with trepidation of the prospect of spending _hours_ shopping with Snape. Why couldn't the Headmaster ask MacGonagall or Hagrid? Or every other teacher. Hell, shopping with Trelawney was better than Snape in Harry's opinion, even if she'd announce seeing his death in the left-overs of a double chocolate sundae at Fortescue's. Harry wanted to die of humiliation. He trudged behind Snape to the hearth and took some floo powder from the Headmaster.

"Severus will make sure you have a decent wardrobe and protect you, should it be needed," the Headmaster said almost apologetically. Harry saw himself in his minds' eye, dressed like a miniature Snape in black robes with his hair greased and plastered to his head. He shuddered involuntarily.

"The Leaky Cauldron" he yelled while dropping the floo powder in the fire. As always, Harry more fell than stepped out of the floo. Just when he thought he'd end up on his hands and knees, he felt a hand stop his foreward momentum.

"Do try not to crack your thick skull on the pavement, Potter. I'm not looking forward to explaining that to the Headmaster." Snape sneered. "Come along" Snape strode to the entrance of the Alley, "The sooner we start, the faster we can leave, I have several more important things to do."

For once, Harry was in complete agreement, he wanted this shopping trip over. When they stopped at the wall, Harry expected Snape to open it with his wand, instead the professor turned to him and gave him a glowering look.

"Before I open the wall, we need to go over some rules," he said.

Harry looked warily at his professor.

"When we enter Diagon Alley, you will stay within two feet of me, preferably somewhere I can keep an eye on you. No wandering of, no talking to strangers and if they want to give you something or take your hand, don't accept."

Harry couldn't believe his ears. Snape was giving him the same speech Petunia gave Dudley when he was _five years old_. He felt his ears warm up in embarrassment, when two witches who just entered the courtyard smiled at hearing Snape's little speech.

"Mr. Potter, are you even listening?" Snape asked suddenly.

Harry looked up from his fascinated study of the ground. "Yes, sir." Three other women, accompanied by two little children, entered the courtyard.

"Really?" Snape arched an eyebrow, "Well then, care to repeat them to me?" Harry could feel his ears turn even redder. He was sure his face was completely red by now. The women shot them some curious looks.

"Mr. Potter?" Snape prodded. His lips were curled in a malicious smirk.

With clenched teeth, Harry repeated the rules "Always stay with you, no wandering off, no talking to strangers, no accepting anything they give me."

Snape nodded satisfied and turned to the wall.

"Martha, I hope you listened to that boy, those rules are very important." Harry gnashed his teeth in anger at hearing one of the women say this to her daughter.

They entered Diagon Alley. Harry always found the street fascinating, the sights, the smells and the noise was so completely different than a Muggle shopping street. He didn't have much time to look around however, he had to do an awkward half-trot to keep up with Snapes fast strides.

"Uhm, Professor, where are we going?" Harry asked after they'd passed both 'Madame Malkin's Robes for all Occasions' and another fashion shop called 'The Clotheshorse'.

"Gringotts" Snape answered curtly, "How else are you going to pay for your trousseau?" Idiot wasn't said but heavily implied in the tone.

Harry supposed Snape had a point although he had no idea what a trousseau was. He'd ask Hermione.


	3. Chapter 3

3.

Severus led the boy to the first teller he saw.

"May your gold multiply this day," he said in flawless Gobbledegook "The gold-owner who is in my charge wants to make a withdrawal from his trust vault," and gave the key he'd received from Albus to the instantly attentive Goblin.

"Certainly Master Snape" the Goblin said and called another Goblin to him. When he turned to follow the second Goblin, Severus saw Potter turning to the door leading to the carts.

"This way, Potter," he said. Potter looked confused. Then again, confusion was a normal state for the boy.

"What?" Severus snapped.

"Where are we going, sir?" Potter asked. "The carts to the vaults are the other way."

"Do you really believe the Goblins normally go to the vaults using those deathtraps concealed as roller coasters?" The second Goblin led them to an inconspicuous door next to the tellers. They entered a long hallway with elevator doors every few feet. The Goblin pushed the button on an elevator somewhere in the middle and the doors opened to a very posh-looking, carpeted interior.

"But sir, why are there carts if there are elevators?" Harry asked in puzzlement, after they'd entered. The elevator smoothly started to descend.

"Probably because they like the terrified faces of wizards being hurtled through a tight dark space with the speed of a bullet." Severus answered in an annoyed tone. "I'm quite certain they have a secret stash with photo's of those faces somewhere." At this Severus saw the Goblin turn away to hide his grinning face.

The boy stood silent for a moment, clearly debating with himself whether to take the risk of his head being bitten off for asking stupid questions.

"Then why aren't we using a cart?" Definitely a Gryffindor, Severus thought.

"Because, contrary to the majority of the wizarding world who just follow along like the sheep they are, I learned the language of the people who'd be handling my money. They have three different words for elevator, so clearly they're familiar with the contraptions." This time Severus' tone clearly conveyed the fact he wouldn't be answering more stupid questions. The elevator stopped descending and after hovering for a moment began moving sideways. Every time Severus stood in this elevator he asked himself wether the Goblins were Star Trek fans.

"I've only heard wizards speak English in the bank. Even Malfoy's dad" Potter said a bit defensive "I didn't even know the Goblins had their own language."

The boy lived in a country were both the Welsh and the Scots spoke another language. He went to a school were the spells were in Latin, the runes in proto-Germanic and those were human languages. So, of course a _completely different race_ would speak English. Sometimes Severus couldn't believe the thoughtlessness of teenagers.

"The things you don't know fills entire libraries, Potter." Severus summarized his thoughts with the usual venom.

They finally stepped out of the elevator and were led to Potter's vault.

"Take this bag and fill it with 200 galleons," Severus said to Potter. The ride afterwards was filled with blessed silence and, returned to the main hall, Severus led Potter to the exchange office and had him convert half of his galleons in pounds.

"We're going to Muggle London?" Potter asked.

"An astute observation," Severus sneered "The regular clothes under your robes are less expensive in Muggle shops. Besides that, I'm not going to buy your smalls in a wizarding shop. Or do you want the whole wizarding world to know the size of your privates?" He added maliciously.

Potter looked a bit green, "Merlin, no sir!"

Severus smirked inside. He loved to embarrass the boy.

"First robes, after that we go to the nearest Marks & Spencer." Potter looked relieved at that.

The moment Severus opened the door of Mme Malkin's he was assaulted with the noise of giggling women. At the back were three women placed around a fourth standing on a footstool. She wore a pink monstrosity disguised as a festive dress. It had lace, and bows and ribbons. She looked like a giant candy wrapper and he felt his stomach turn at the sight.

He quickly looked away and scowled at the shop assistant. The girl paled visibly and went to the back to get Mme Malkin.

"Oh, Rose, you really look stunning in that dress! Marcus won't be able to tear his eyes away from you, you'll see." One of the women declared in a simpering tone. More giggling. Severus felt a light headache trying to make his acquaintance.

"Professor Snape and young mister Potter, how delightful!" A plump middle-aged witch entered the shop from the back with her arms full of dresses. She handed the dresses to her assistant who immediately used them as a physical barrier between herself and Severus.

"Bring these to miss Crawford and her friends, Lilian," Mme Malkin said to her "I'll take care of the professor."

"Potter needs at least three school robes and one casual one," Severus' tone immediately made clear he was not going to socialize. "Make sure they have growth charms on them, and dirt-repelling charms will be appreciated by the house-elves."

"Yes, of course, dear," Mme Malkin said absendmindedly while she searched the rack with school robes for the appropriate ones. Severus saw Potter hide a snicker behind his hand at the word 'dear'. She took out a robe, held it against Potter and swiftly took out two more.

"There. Now, what colour would you like for your casual robe, honey?" Mme Malkin asked Potter while turning to another rack, this one filled with robes in every colour imaginable. "I have some nice green ones, they'd go lovely with your eyes. Would you like a classic snit or maybe something more modern, mmm?"

Potter's face took on a deer-caught-in-the headlights-look that every male gets when suddenly confronted with the fact that they are expected to give an opinion about clothes.

"Euhm, I've not really...I think... Green's fine," Potter stammered.

Severus' eyes glinted with a malicious gleam. "No, Potter, the colour and snit of your casual robe is important," he said, "You don't want to look like an uncivilized barbarian, do you?" The 'even if you are one' was heavily implied in the tone. "Why don't you take your time to look for something nice, while I go the apothecary? I need some supplies and I'm sure Mme Malkin will be able to help you." Severus made sure to state the last sentence loud enough that the women in the back, who had looked on with interest, could hear him.

"Oh, yes of course, professor," Mme Malkin said in a delighted tone. "Now Harry, step on this stool and I'll give you some robes to try." Potters face took on a pink hue. Severus smirked and stepped outside, planning on taking his time, maybe he'd even go to the bookshop.


	4. Chapter 4

4.

Harry swallowed reflexively. He so didn't want to be here. To be honest, Harry was a bit scared of the formidable woman standing in front of him demanding he take of his robe so she 'could get better measurements, dear.'

"Well then, honey, what do you think about this one?" Mme Malkin held up a peach coloured robe with a cream hemline. It looked hideous.

"I don't know, ma'am, maybe something darker?" Harry asked almost desperately. He didn't know anything about clothes. The last time he went clothes-shopping was for his schoolrobes and then he didn't have to chose colours, let alone make sure they would 'compliment his eyes'.

"Heavens no, dearie, dark colours are so passé. Besides you're only what, thirteen? You need something bright to show your playful side." Mme Malkin said while holding up another robe, this one skyblue with lacey borders. He was sure only someone like Malfoy would like to wear something with lace.

"I'll only get them dirty," he said. "A dark colour will hide the stains longer." There, finally an intelligent answer.

"But that's what house-elves are for. They love cleaning clothes, I believe it has something to do with the thrill of danger: they never now whether that piece of cloth is going to free them sometime in the future or not." Mme Malkin chuckled a bit and took out another monstrosity. "Here, hold this up," she said.

The four women in the back came closer.

"Oh no, Dorothea," one of the women, a slender blonde with too much make-up and clothes at least two sizes too small, said to Mme Malkin. "That one makes his skin look sallow, and he has such a nice tan, don't you dear?" and she turned to the rack.

The other three saw this as a sign to join in. Harry's stomach made a sickening turn. The women immediately began to debate about the colour and style of the robes on the rack. The one called Rose said "Let's see black hair and green eyes, he definitely needs something puce, don't you think?" while holding up a robe in a colour that looked suspiciously pink. Two of the other witches nodded yes enthousiastically.

"I'm a boy," Harry squeaked horrified "I'm not wearing pink!" His outburst was largely ignored. Rose held the puce robe against him.

"No, this one falls too wide around his legs," Mme Malkin said and took the puce robe back to the rack.

Harry sighed in relief. He didn't understand this fascination women had with clothes. Even his ever so sensible aunt Petunia could make his cousin try on the most hideous clothes and find them charming.

The women debated some more. Harry was forced to try one at least ten different robes, in the most varying styles and colours. He had no idea there were so many different ways to make a piece of clothing that was, essentially a long strip of cloth with sleeves. Harry closed his eyes in despair when the shop assistant went into the back to retrieve another rack full of clothes. After what felt like hours, Harry could feel his frustration with the women reach a boiling point.

"I'll take the green classic robe," he took said robe and stepped of the stool. The women looked at him in disappointment.

"Are you sure, dear?" Rose said, "I'm sure the blue one would be better."

"Or you could take the green half long one," another said, "it would be easier to play in."

This immediately started another discussion about the merits of long versus half-long robes. Harry groaned. He'd never get away. The bell tinkled when someone stepped into the shop. Harry had never been so happy to see his most hated teacher.

"Is he ready to leave?" Snape asked Mme Malkin. To his chagrin Snape didn't even acknowledge him. Mme Malkin and the gaggle of women turned to Snape like eager puppies.

"Oh, professor Snape," Mme Malkin said with an apologetic smile. "We're almost finished."

"The choice has been whittled down to two robes. This lovely teal long robe with gold runic patterns on the hem," Rose said while holding up the robe Harry had chosen awhile before. He'd had no idea the colour was named teal instead of green. "The runes are actual protection runes, you know," she added conspirationally, "you never know what trouble kids get into these days."

"I only can imagine," Snape answered dryly while raising an eyebrow at Harry.

"The oher robe is this one," Rose continued while holding up a dark yellow coloured halflong robe. Harry hadn't even seen it before. He wanted to say so, tell them he wanted the other one, but Snape was faster.

"Well, why don't you try them on mr. Potter?" he said impatiently, "I'd like to see the choices for myself." Harry's eyes almost bugged out of his head. Snape wanted him to give a freaking fashion show? What if someone entered? Harry looked at Mme Malkin and the other women. They were clearly expecting him to show off the robes.

"We're waiting, mr. Potter," Snape added impatiently. With reluctance Harry took the first robe and tried it on.

"Give it a turn, young man," one of the women said, "your professor can't see the back like this!" Harry felt the heat rising in his cheeks. He was never, _ever_ going to tell this to his friends.

"It's a very nice robe, if I say so myself," Mme Malkin said. "It does fall a bit big at the back, but if I take it in here and here, it will fit nicely." she continued. Snape made an agreeing murmur as if he knew what she was talking about. Harry sincerely doubted it.

"Now put on the other robe," Rose ordered. Harry complied, silently fuming. The robe was ugly, in fact, if he looked at it sideways, it looked like he was wearing a knee-lenght dress.

"This one fits better," Mme Malkin said, "but it hasn't any protective spells on it." Harry felt relieved, Snape did want his robes spelled. "But I can add them at an additional cost of 2 Galleons," she added.

"Would you be able to do it immediately?" Snape asked interested. Harry looked at Snape with dread. Of course, the bastard would take the most ugly, demeaning robe of the two.

"The spells would take a day," Mme Malkin said regretfully. "The adjustments won't be a problem." Snape looked as if she'd taken away his birthday cake.

"Very well, the green it is." his look clearly conveyed his amusement at Harry's involuntary sigh of relief.

"Put the green back on and step on the stool, dearie," Mme Malkin said sweetly to Harry. Harry vowed silently to find out whether catalogue-shopping for clothes existed in the Wizarding world. Hermione surely would know.


	5. Chapter 5

5.

Severus led Potter out of the shop. He was feeling rather content at the moment. He'd made the boy unhappy and embarrassed, without having to do anything but deliver him into the hands of some 'nice' witches. Surely Dumbledore couldn't fault him for wanting to make sure the brat was dressed impeccably. Having the boy parade in an ugly dress-like thing, just made his day. Too bad he couldn't make Potter buy it, but at least he'd taken some nice photos without the boy noticing.

Severus quickly went through the Alley back to the Cauldron and the next stop on their shopping trip. He almost pushed Potter through the wall and they entered the Leaky Cauldron.

"Good afternoon Harry, Professor Snape," Tom greeted them jovially, while continuing to spread the dirt on the glass in his hands with an old towel.

"Hi, Tom," Potter answered happily when they passed in front of the bar. Severus grunted something unintelligibly. "Some sandwiches, if you please Tom," he added as an afterthought. "Wrap them up, we'll eat on our way." Severus turned to the rather dark door at the front. Above the door was a plaque inscribed with the ominous words 'Beware the Muggles' surrounding a caricature of a human face with more sharp-looking teeth than a Bengal tiger.

"Heading out into Muggle Londen, professor?" Tom looked pointedly at their clothing. Severus looked at the boy.

"Transfigure your robe into a muggle jacket, Potter." Snape ordered while turning his own robe into a black greatcoat. He looked sneeringly at Potters attempts to create a jacket that looked mugglish. For some reason Potters' long robe changed into a short jacket wile keeping all of the heavy brass clasps, now placed ridiculously close to each other.

"Oh, for the love of Merlin!" Snape exclaimed after watching Potter struggle to change the clasps into something else than misformed lumps of metal. He waved his wand and turned the clasps into a zipper.

"I'll instruct Minerva you need extra lessons in transfiguring metal. Come along Potter," Snape informed Potter imperiously and ignored his attempts at speaking.

They stepped into Muggle Londen. Snape always needed a moment to adjust to the different atmosphere. Where Diagon Alley was quaint an antiquated, Muggle Londen was a city of modern buildings, rushing people and an awful lot of noisy, smelling cars. Snape rubbed his nose in a vain attempt to keep the exhaust fumes from assaulting his nasal cavity. He turned to the right and lead Potter to Tottenham Court Road. If his memory served him there was a Marks & Spencer in that neighbourhood.

The Muggle streets were quiet well trafficked. Cars rode practically bumper to bumper, and even the sidewalk was packed. Potter was gawking around like a country bumpkin on his first trip to the city. In fact, he was looking around so much, he was falling farther and farther behind. Potter was getting an excited look on his face and even smiling a bit, in between taking mouthfuls of his sandwich. Severus marvelled at the ability of teenagers to go through every possible emotion in mere minutes. Not fifteen minutes ago, the brat was a pool of desperation and humiliation. Now, he looked excited and seemed to have forgotten Severus was even there. This would not do, Severus mused. He needed a way to make the brat miserable again. Severus stopped to berate him to keep up, when he saw on the other side of the street a Muggle father take his young son by the hand in order to steer him through the crowd. Severus smiled evilly.

"Mr. Potter, come here," he said, and when Potter had reached his side, he snatched the boy's hand in his. "This way I won't lose you in this crowd," he said to the stupefied boy and continued on his way, blithely ignoring Potters attempts to get his hand back.

"Professor," Potter hissed, "People are watching!" Severus smirked at the boy. Potter looked at him with al the venom and anger a severely embarrassed 13-year-old was capable of.

"And that concerns me how, exactly?" he said, "If I let you go, you'll only get behind watching around. You are clearly not familiar with these surroundings," he added with the air of a regular visitor to London. And just for the fun of it he nodded amiably at an harrassed-looking Muggle mother who, after having tried to call her son away from the window of a toy store, just grabbed the boys' arm and pulled him along. The woman smiled apologetically at him while both Potter and her son looked at each other with sympathy, seemingly having found common ground in the capabilities of adults to embarrass them publicly.

"Now, Mr. Potter, you'll choose yourself three pairs of jeans, some t-shirts and pulls, socks and smalls. And don't take all day about it," Severus said, when they entered the store. He had no intention whatsoever of being dragged behind the brat, while he took his time choosing clothing. Potter quickly went to the nearest racks of children's clothes, visibly relieved when Severus let go of his hand.

Severus looked around the store with interest. He'd had no idea it was even possible to have so much different kinds of children's clothes. When his mother took him shopping, it was always at the little second-hand shop three streets down from their home at Spinners' End.

It was fairly busy in this section, mostly tired-looked women trying to keep their teenage children from buying the ripped-up jeans short they simply _had to have_. Severus looked at the brat, who was standing near the shelves and thumbing through the clothes with a lost look on his face.

"Well, Potter, what are you waiting for?" he snapped impatiently. Choosing a pair of jeans out of a pile of similar looking jeans wasn't that difficult, was it?

"..." Potter mumbled something. How he hated it, when people mumbled at him. Either you spoke clearly, or you didn't bother to open you mouth.

"What was that, Potter? Speak clearly, boy!"

"I said, I don't know my size." Potter said in a small voice. Severus sighed and scanned the store. When he spotted a store attendant, he made eye contact and waved at her. The woman looked to be in her late forties and had a neutral expression on her face, not unlike the one Severus used when he was trying to be polite to someone he didn't like.

"How can I help you sir?" she asked in a no-nonsense tone while keeping a watchful gaze on the rest of the store. Severus immediately liked the woman. She was definitely someone used to overriding arguments from pesky children and idiot adults. "I'm professor Snape of Hogwarts Boarding School," he said, "We had a little fire in the dorm halls and young mr. Potter here needs some new clothes. Unfortunately he doesn't know his size." While Severus was speaking he saw another blush of embarrassment creep onto Potters face. If the boy kept this up, he'd be in danger of losing some toes to blood shortage.

"I see," the woman said and looked the boy over. "Hmm, a ten, I believe?" her tone somehow conveyed he'd better be a ten, or else. She proceeded to pull the appropriate clothes out and quickly and efficiently bundled the brat into a fitting room.

"What does he need exactly?" she asked Severus while simultaneously giving Potter a pair of jeans.

"Everything," Snape said, "at least three or four sets. His parents are out of the country for another month." he added so she wouldn't become suspicious and showed her the Muggle version of Minerva's list, printed neatly on official looking paper Hogwarts used for correspondence with Muggle authorities. The last thing he wanted, was to explain to a Muggle Detecive Inspector that he really wasn't a kidnapper. She nodded and turned to the fitting room.

"Come out if you've changed, so I can have a look." Potter stepped out with a sheepish look on his face. The woman nodded in satisfaction.

"Like I thought, you're a ten. Try on these, and these," she handed him two other trousers. "And these t-shirts. Unless you prefer another print?" her tone indicated clearly he'd better not.

" No, ma'am, these are fine," Potter said quickly while accepting the clothes. The t-shirts had neutral earth-tone colours without any blatant messages, like most teenagers liked to wear these days. Severus secretly approved the attendant's choice and put everything she gave him in the shopping basket. The next ten minutes were filled with "try this on" and "take this one" while she led them quickly and efficiently through Minerva's list.

"Well then," she said. "Boxers or briefs?" 

Potter immediately turned an explosive red.


	6. Chapter 6

6.

Harry was ready to sink into the floor of mortification. He couldn't believe she'd said that within hearing range of practically everybody standing near the fitting rooms. He saw Snape's lip curl with malicious glee. Who'd believe they would meet a woman as abrasive and unpleasant as Snape? Then again, she'd probably been attracted by Snapes aura of bastardness.

"Uhm, briefs ma'am?" he said a bit unsurely. He only ever wore the underwear Petunia bought him at cheap market stalls and she'd buy them at least two sizes to big. Seeing the way her face clouded over, it was apparently the wrong answer.

"Those are not healthy young man," she said sternly while turning around and leading them to the part of the store with the childrens' underwear. "They put pressure on the balls and you'll be more susceptible to jockitch, or other such unpleasant things." she continued without even bothering to lower her voice.

Harry saw people turning their head when they passed by. He tried to linger behind a bit, but Snape put a hand on his shoulder and firmly pushed him foreward.

"Don't dawdle Potter," he sneered. Finally they'd reached the underwear section, and the attendant pulled out two boxers out of the piles, one plain white, the other dark blue.

"Here you go," she said, "try them on." They went to the fitting rooms, and just when Harry disappeared behind the curtain she said loud enough to be heard on the other side of the store: "Try them on over your own underwear please!"

I've died, Harry thought, I've died and gone to hell. Harry tried on the blue boxers. They fitted nicely, and he wondered how the woman was able to pick his sizes so accurately. It seemed like magic.

"They are fine, ma'am," Harry said.

"Are you sure? Maybe I should have a look," she answered and before Harry could react, she'd put her head through the curtain. Harry could hear a suspicious snort from the other side of the curtain, as if someone was trying not to laugh.

He promptly turned red again and had to fight the instinct to put his hands over his privates. She looked him over and declared herself satisfied.

"How many of these would you need?" Harry could hear her asking Snape.

"At least two dozen," Snape answered, "We don't want him to run around in dirty underwear." Harry flushed in anger at these words. His clothes may have been old, too big and cheap, but he took care to keep them as clean as possible.

Harry redressed and stepped out of the cabin.

"The only other thing we need is socks," Snape said consulting Minerva's list. "Apparently your shoes survived?" he ended questioningly.

"Yes, sir" Harry answered flatly, anger still colouring his tone. Again the woman led them through the store.

"What's your shoe size?" she asked and again Harry felt the embarrassment of not knowing his own sizes. The attendant looked at him, heaved a very put-upon sigh and turned to the rack.

"These should do," she stated and put six pairs of socks in the second basket she'd produced from Merlin-knows-where. She escorted them to the cashier and nodded to Snape while giving Harry a condescending smile. Harry was certain now: she just _had_ to be related to Snape.

After they were bundled out with their bags, Snape immediately took Harry's arm and proceeded to drag him to a secluded little alley between to storefronts. Snape took out his wand and shrank the bags.

"Put these in your pocket, mr. Potter," he instructed and again took Harry by the arm. "Let's go." At this point Harry felt relieved. The trip was over and soon they'd be back in Hogwarts. Even the fact he was being dragged like a doll through the street couldn't temper his relief. Harry was going to go to his dorm room and stay there for the rest of this miserable day.

When they entered the Leaky Cauldron to floo back to Hogwarts, Harry became aware of a strange noise beside him. At first he couldn't quite place it but then it dawned on him with fascinated horror. Snape was _humming_ under his breath.

"Ah, Severus, how was the shopping trip? You're quite a bit earlier back then I expected." The Headmaster sat with his feet up on his desk.

"Does Minerva know you're showing your appalling manners to students?" Snape asked cattily. The Headmaster quickly removed his feet.

"Lemon drop, Harry?" The Headmaster held out the bowl. Harry shook his head.

"No thank you, Headmaster." He shuffled his feet. Harry wanted to be very far away from here before Snape started telling the Headmaster about the trip. He was sure he wouldn't be able to look the Headmaster in the eye again.

"Go put your things away, Harry," the Headmaster said. "I'm sure your friends want to hear everything about your trip." They can keep wondering about it, Harry thought I'm never going to tell anyone about this.

"Oi, Mate, how was the shopping? Did MacGonnagall take you to Fortescue's?" Ron asked immediately when Harry entered the Tower.

"No, she didn't." Harry said, "And I didn't see the new Nimbus." This was said in the direction of Seamus. "It was an horrible trip, and that is all I'm ever going to say about it." he announced to the Common Room in general, before slipping up the stairs to the dorm. He hoped the rest of the house would take it as a warning and stop asking questions.

Not even ten minutes later, the door to the dorms opened and Hermione, Ron, Seamus and Neville entered with worried looks.

"Harry? Who took you shopping? I saw Professor MacGonnagall in the library earlier this day." Hermione asked. Harry groaned. Why couldn't they leave him in peace?

"..." he mumbled into his pillow.

"Who?" Ron asked, "I didn't quite catch that, mate."

"I said: Snape." Harry almost yelled. There was a moment of stunned silence. And then he heard it: strange muffled noises, almost a cross between hiccoughs and snorts. Someone was trying to keep in his laughter. Scratch that, several someones were trying to keep in their laughter. And failing miserably.

Harry closed the curtains and pulled the duvet over his head. He wasn't going to come out until they were gone for dinner. Or until the day was over. Better yet, the week. Hell, he was _never_ going to come out.

END


End file.
